My break up left me eating 2 Thornton’s Dairy Milk tray’s to myself whilst watching episode after episode of Buffy The Vampire Diaries and singing along to heart break classics such as ‘All By Myself’ and ‘How Can I Live Without You’. After a quick pep talk from my favourite lady friends and beginning to struggle to fit into my skinny jeans, I decided enough was enough. Then began the gym running, healthy eating, partying, slut dropping phase.
Let me start with a little back story on the relationship.. together for 3 and a half years after meeting when I was 16, I was instantly head over heels. After a few very happy years together, we had changed. No longer the naive 16 year old’s, we had matured and grown but it was also the time where our friends wanted to go clubbing and partying all the time. Having decided he wanted to break away to be a lad with the boys, I was devastated. No one had done anything wrong, we were just following different paths.
It’s OK to cry and to be upset after a break up, whether you was the dumper or the dumpee. Both parties are going to hurt in a break up because at the end of the day, in most cases, there would have been a lot of good times and memories made. I know at the time, I felt like that was it. My life had ended and there was no way I would ever feel love again. Everything reminded me of him and every memory I thought of would make me laugh then cry with realisation that it would never be the same again. Everyone will tell you that you can do better and you’ll be okay. And at the time, I hated those people. I wanted to punch those people in the face because they couldn’t possibly understand the pain and upset your feeling as they probably didn’t understand the relationship you had.
If you are reading this and experiencing a recent breakup, I want you to know that actually it will be okay. It won’t be quick and it won’t be easy, but eventually you will feel okay. Whether that means finding a new love and moving on, or working things out with your ex lover, it’ll work out. Things always do. If you were on the receiving end of a relationship breakdown, it’s important to remember to give each other space. Do not watch your phone for a text or a call and hound them with questions or remarks like ‘I miss you’. Stay strong – become a mystery. Make them miss you, and want you.
After my miserable stage, I turned to my best girls and spent every Friday and Saturday out partying like your typical youngster. Going out involved a good makeover, a sassy outfit, lots of alcohol, giggles and the intention to pull. I’ll admit it now, going out and finding a fancy young lad was fun. It was exciting and new. But through all the men and dates, I still couldn’t take my mind off him. The one person I was still completely in love with but hated for breaking my heart. Looking back, I was probably a bit more of a loose canon than I would ever had imagined but being broken changes you. I became careless and care free and got high from the buzz of getting a guy’s phone number. It felt good to be wanted again and the attention was exhilarating.
I found during my break up, it was important for me to love myself even more. I remember feeling extremely lost and alone. Remind yourself that you are good enough. You are beautiful and worthy. Treat yourself to a new bag or perfume. Have a relaxing bath. Indulge in something you love. Take up a hobby or learn a new language. Travel abroad and discover a new culture. Use the time apart to seperate yourself from your relationship and discover who you are again. Surround yourself with family and friends. Do something you’ve always wanted to do.
Fast forward 3 months of dates and romance, I could not shake him from my mind. And that’s when I gave in. I miss you I said. Perhaps I should only write this post if I had become a strong independent lady that told him you know what, you had your chance. But I want you to know that it’s okay to try again. Neither of us had done anything wrong, we had changed, we experimented, but then we found our way back to each other. Another two years later and we are happy. Perhaps we needed some time apart to learn how to appreciate each other again. Long term couples often get stuck in their ways and forget how to cherish each other. Continued love and affect is always important to keep the flame alive. Right now, I fall more in love every day with my boyfriend and I hope it continues that way for a very long time.
With love, Lottie